


Last Exit

by orphan_account



Series: In the morning [1]
Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Gen, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Ending, almost poetry, unnamed character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 06:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1256710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You just had to leave, didn't you? You never thought about me... Did you?</p>
<p>I just wish we could spend another day, another hour, together.<br/>I thought this was forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Exit

**Author's Note:**

> Originally uploaded to FFN.

I can see you laying there. You look dead as a door knob. Where did that saying come from, anyway? You look so much prettier than a doorknob. Then me.

But you look so fragile…!

Like glass, no, like a brittle little leaf that could crumble at the slightest breath of wind. I'm almost afraid to breathe now. Thanks for making me think that.

You stir, reaching out for something. You take a hold of my hand and grip it tightly. It must hurt. It must be painful. It's painful enough for me to have to watch you. The monitor speeds up a little, then slows back down to its worrying snail-pace.  _Ba-dum. Ba-dum._  Stupid snails. Stupid trucks.

I remember when we first met. I was on my phone, something I haven't done for ages. If you were awake you'd probably tell me that I was sick or something. If you were awake I wouldn't be here anyway.

I was always part of the popular group. Why? I even ask myself that sometimes. I'm not even popular now. I think that maybe it was because I just hated being lonely. Even if I wasn't the most talkative person in the school, no, Miku took the cake. But I had to be surrounded by people. Being an only child can suck sometimes. I feel bad for you now.

Oh look what you've done! You've made me gone all soft! I'll hate you for that later…

I remember seeing you walk through the school gates, all alone. You looked so down about yourself. People were whispering behind you as you passed. Probably about your hair. I think your hair's really pretty, by the way.

You didn't seem to notice, but I know well enough now that it hurt just like you're hurting now. And when my group decided to tease you for fun, to steal your homework, to hassle you until you missed the train, to get you purposely in trouble while the teacher wasn't looking, well, I'm ashamed to say that I went along with it and pretended to enjoy it. Er, I mean, it isn't good to just bully people for no reason. That's the lowest you can get.

And then we became friends. Ha, I remember when you first tried to talk to me after I kicked those girl's butts. You were all shy and stutter and soft-spoken.

You don't deserve this.

Weren't you the one who said you wanted to sing one day?

You wanted to be famous, noticed. Remember?

Don't you?

And then, when we'd sit outside during recess and lunch, didn't you say that we could be friends forever?

Yeah, you did.

So you better snap out of it and wake up already!

_Ba-dum. Ba-dum_ …

Do you remember that time when you snuck into my house? I never thought you'd ever have the guts to do something like that. Heh, I remember having to hide you in the closet when my dad came in. You could barely fit in because you were so tall.

_Are_  so tall.

I should stop using past tense.

I swear that I see your eyes move under your lids.

Heartbeat quickens. That can't be too good. I whisper your name, croon things into your ear. Do you hear? Do you hear how sad I am? How much I miss you?

Surely you must, because the monitor's beeps slow down to normal speed. Which is still too slow for my liking. _Ba-dum._

I think that people hated you because you were different. You were albino, for a start. And you'd never start a conversation or say any more than required with anyone. One guy even tried to talk to you, but you pushed him away.

See? Not everyone hates you! It's only the popular girls, but they hate everyone! So get out of the dumps already!

A boy suddenly rushes in like I had just yesterday. Yesterday? Today? A week ago? I can't remember how many times I've slept here.

He has your eyes. Yes, but not your hair. Perhaps he got his hair from the other side of the family? Oh, look at me, judging before I even know he's your brother.

He calls out to you, and kneels by the bed. I think he's apologizing to you. For what? It was all my fault anyway.

Great, now he's crying. I hate that. Whenever you'd start to cry, I'd tell you not to, how much it made me upset. But in the end, I'd end up being a shoulder to cry on. Not that I minded.

I don't know how long has passed since he got here, but as quickly as he appeared, he leaves. He looks angry now. Is he going to enact revenge? Against who? Call the police? What's the point?

_Ba-dum._

I glance back over. If I look carefully, I can almost imagine your chest rising, falling, rising with your breath. Then you'll wake up and tell me this was all a joke and we'd laugh, and maybe I'd hit you over the head, but not too hard, of course. And then we'd be back at school and you'd be remembered as a hero…

None of that happens. You just lay there. Like a corpse.

Alright, that probably wasn't the best thing to think right now. Best not to count your chickens before they hatch. Or, in this case, say someone's dead when they're not.

Yet.

_Ba-dum._

Damn. Damn. My legs are all cramped and you're no longer holding my hand. Why not? Too weak? Too weak to get up on your own? Well, why don't I just leave you here by yourself to die!

Of course, I don't. I couldn't leave you.

You're just making it so hard for me.

Did you think about me when you stepped out?

Or were you thinking of yourself? How great it would be if I could just go and die, I bet you were thinking, but I didn't cross your mind, did I?  
Or maybe I did, but you thought that I could be a big girl and get over it. Or perhaps that the teasing would stop.

Guess what?

I don't care if the whole world hates me, I just need you. To be okay. You were my only friend, and I don't think I could make another.

… Did that ever cross your mind?

Hang on, maybe it did. Is that what you're trying to tell me?

_Ba-dum_ …

Of course you won't answer me, though. Because you're dying. In the hospital.

All those tubes make you look almost alien. Like that Science Fiction movie we watched on Tuesday, where all those people are turned into robots. Yeah, that'd be cool. To bring you back to life as a robot.

What the heck am I thinking? Ha, I used to punch you on the shoulder for thinking that. Get your head out of the clouds, I'd say. Come over to my place, we'll have some popcorn. Or pizza.

Y'know, come to think of it, I never actually got a chance to see your house. If the rest of your family was like that weirdo, then it's probably a good thing!...

That's definitely given me something to think about.

Heh, look at that. The monitor's stopped beeping for a bit. I try to grip your hand again, but what's the point? I lose all motivation.

The monitor starts again, and I involuntarily sigh along with you.

Whoa, how long have I spent here, sitting next to you, eating nothing but hospital food?

Three days, my mind says. Three days.

Three days since I've been home. Oh, yes, I remember my parents coming to see me yesterday. They left again. I don't think they like you that much.

Do you remember all those times we had during Christmas last year? We went snowboarding, and then I caught a cold for a whole week and you came over every day to visit and bring me some medicine. And then you got me that really nice scarf. I'm actually wearing it right now, if you'd just open your eyes for once.

And when I snuck out of home with you to go have a snowball fight in that old park down the road? You kept missing me. And then I hit you in the face. You had me worried then!

But you said it was alright and then when I came over to see you, you dumped snow into my hair. I'll never forgive you for that.

What happened to you? By the time winter ended, you'd stopped coming and having those snowball fights. We never went outside and watched the stars, or camped under the snow with marshmallows and a thermos of hot chocolate.

School started again, and we still stuck together like glue, but I'd catch you spacing out. Is that when it all started happening?

Then, once, I caught you in the change rooms, crying to yourself. I had to go over to you and give you a hug. People looked at us weird. Remember, I snapped at them and they all got scared and ran away? I'm going to miss doing that.

If I ever get back to school… Gosh, they must be worried sick! They probably all think I'm in hospital with you! I mean, as a patient. I  _know_  I'm in hospital, but… Oh never mind. You get it.

Wait, no you don't, because I'm talking to myself again.

Surely that's not healthy.

With your pale skin, you don't look too healthy either.

Hell, we're both more alike than we once thought. Told you we were close.

Actually, come to think of it, I never did, did I?

Well, I'll say it now. We're close. You are the closest person in the world to me, and I just hope that I was to you.

You know my phone, right? Well, I haven't used it since I tried to call you last. And you didn't answer. Aren't you proud?

_Ba-dum._

You were always trying to run away from things. Run away from it, it'll leave me alone. I thought I began to fix that. But I was obviously too late.

I tried to text you, twice, actually. You never replied. Then I tried calling you, something I never EVER do, and you wouldn't even pick up. Was I too late, or were you just afraid that if you answered back that I'd come and try to save you? Because I would have. I would have run there, as fast as I could. I can run pretty fast, you know. I would have run all the way and dragged you back by the hand. I would have forced you to come back to my place, and then I'd hold you close as you cried into my shirt, and I'd probably be crying too, and then you'd sleep over and in the morning…

I just wish we got to spend more time together. If I could do anything, I'd bring you back to life. And you know those sappy movies I used to make fun of, where the protagonist gives up his life for the one he loves? And I'd always say that he could have just saved her and they'd both be happy? Well, if I had to give my life to you, I would. If someone came in right now and said, 'Hey, we can save your friend, but it might cost you your life', I'd say yes in a heartbeat. I just want to keep you safe. I always thought I had, but I guess I failed.

I squeeze your hand gently, just like old times when you were feeling nervous about auditioning for choir.

Did I ever tell you that you would've gotten in?

If you'd just lived for another day, you'd be in the choir, singing your way to stardom. I'd help you get there. I wouldn't have cared if I ended up being the lonely one, the unnoticed one. I only ever need to be noticed by you.

If I listen closely, I can almost imagine I hear you breathe. Almost. You look so still…

I know what comes next. The stillness, everything slows down… It's been too long, too long.  _Ba-dum._

Your heart beats its final beat.

**Author's Note:**

> I am very sorry, I am.  
> It started out as something fluffy but then it slid into angst. It always does.


End file.
